Facebook asks you whats on your mind

This is what I m thinking right now

Im a drug addict my whole life revolves around drugs. You may think this might be a problem but I’ve come to the fact that it is actually a solution. You may be wondering why a problem like drug addiction could in any case be considered a solution to anything in this god damn world. But I will tell you how my drug addiction is a solution to a bigger problem.

So obviously youre asking yourself what could be this bigger problem. I am not gonna try to be someone that Im not and when youre reading this you will hear my voice and I am ok with whatever you may perceive I am not professional at writing but whatever.

So yea the problem right you probably wanna know about that. You see the thing is that I realized families are all fucked up. I mention the social grouping of a family because it is a good place to start having a reference to a bigger pattern that permeates humand kind.

So like I was saying my family is fucked up. My dad is bipolar type I and if you know what that means you should acknowledge that he is a crazy person. My older brother is bipolar 1 as well. He is a drug addict to and was very problematic since like always.

You know I started this essay with the Im a drug addict narrative but I used to be a very decent person.

I still consider I have some sort of decency left and a moral compass but that’s a whole other story.

So yea I remember I was good

I was even afraid of God

Then my faith died

And thus a new creature was born. A monster. A fucking beast.

So I became an aberrant creature with lots of moral gray areas and I started to get consumed by the pleasures of excess. I am trapped now I don’t know if I will pass this. I don’t know if I wanna pass this. You see I am right now fucked up as shit. I did lots of cocaine. A great binge. But I don’t regret it. I don’t give a fuck. I am constantly looking at the phone to check the time because I want to get more drugs so now I am in the process of staying awake until the dealers wake up.(should be like around 11 am if you’re guessing).

So yea now you must be thinking what about the solution thing you were talking about. So yea my family has had a troublesome life mainly because the antics of my father of being an unmedicated bipolar crazy a fuck. Did all this complexly orchestrated businesses and random shit that my family inherited a big huge debt.

So when I grew up as a kid. I developed a strange relationship with money. In my family money is sacred but not in a greedy way. It’s more like a humane way of understanding what is the real value and effort that is behind the concept of money.

So my solution was to aim for greatness and become super rich because I tought that would solve our problems. The things my parents would argue about were always money shit. It sucks cock. I hate money it’s the fucking devil. So yea I grew up with this surreal appreciation of money. The plot twist is that as I became older and more skillfull I was good at making decent quantities of money. But I never knew what to do with it. I am not a material person. I seldom buy new clothes or things that are not consumable. I live by the day. Anyway like I was saying my problem with money is that I can handle having it and not having it. It’s weird because when I have it I spend it super quick. Like flash or something and it’s usually in the form of cocaine. Fuck cocaine is expensive jajajaja.

So like I said families are fucked up. My family is fucked up. I am fucked up in several levels at this moment. But in this essay I am trying to portray how my drug addiction is a solution to a bigger problem.

Here it is.

It’s because my problem becomes a distraction for all the other problems and my well being is more important than money.

So I developed this tactic. Which I didn’t actually know before. But I think it was a natural response to trying to solve my parents issue. I became a bigger problem but something they can actively work on trying to make better.

So yea I dunno. We are a weird family. I am a weird person. I hope you liked what you’ve just read. It came from the most sincere intentions upon the reader.

Best Regards,

Cesar